Global Gaslighting
Systems of Abuse in Structures of Power
[This story was originally published in January 2021.]
I grew up with an emotionally abusive parent. I was the target. I believe there were a lot of reasons that caused this parent to be emotionally abusive to me, but that’s really not my concern. My concern is how those reasons manifested in abuse towards me, how I learned about the world through this abuse, including how to survive. The emotional abuse I experienced, formed my reality, and my definition of love — as it will for any child, who can only learn that concept from their caregivers — so when I was 18 and went out into the world, I sought out partners who were also emotionally abusive, in order to maintain my perception of reality.
The abuse that I experienced from my partners was, to me, totally normal. I didn’t know things could be any other way.
This is not to say that I sought them out consciously — I didn’t at all. In fact, I didn’t even know I was being abused. That’s what emotional abuse does, of course. It blinds the victim to any other realities.
Until one day the abuse becomes so acute, the victim’s own self defense system kicks in and lets them fully see and comprehend what is going on.
